Calmly Chaotic

Lately I find myself not acting like myself.  I go from zero to about a solid fifteen in less than two seconds.  It is kind of like a little monster is hidden in me and takes inopportune moments to rear its little head.  One second everything is fine.  Two seconds later and I have substantially ove…

It gets cold quickly here.  One day you are in a sweater and flats, and the next you are forced to put on that winter coat and pull up those winter boots.  I have my eye on a pair of boots.  Apparently everyone in Montreal had their eye on these boots as well as they did not have my size anywhere. …

Yesterday's attempts to abolish the headache can be chalked up to one word... fail. Now I will admit that my mid day emergency acupuncture appointment provided immediate relief and left me in a temporary state of bliss.. unfortunately the headache was just bound and determined to have one last…

Today is one of those days where I feel like I could sleep forever. I was really hoping to ride out the relaxed state of the weekend. Apparently this is not happening. My neck is so tight right now, I am pretty sure I am getting ear infections in both ears (who gets ear infections when they are …

This weekend was just what we needed.  Despite the weather feeling more and more like winter, we spent most of the weekend roaming pretty streets and warming up in pretty cafes and boutiques.

We spent some time dreaming about what life will be like if our first IVF round does work and I have to ad…

I am so looking forward to a nice post work yoga class and then our getaway to Montreal tomorrow!

Last thursday I spent an hour with a woman talking about my life.  This was not some stranger I met on the street.  This was a fertility psychologist.  Things became normal for an hour.  She had an amazing ability to make me feel like I was feeling the way I was supposed to feel.  Things were put i…

Such pretty i do and more options...

Maybe if Vera Wang did not exist I would have stumbled on these a few years ago...

I am feeling a bit lighter today.  I think the fact that I have my in vitro timeline is helping me to calm down a little.  I realize that this is a rough estimate and that the doctors and nurses at the clinic are not psychic (well not that I know of), and therefore cannot predict how my body will r…

Today is day one...ish, possibly day two.  Let us just say that my body is not completely precise or predictable.  Either way, we get to start today!  I made the first of many calls to the nursing line at the fertility clinic at seven am this morning.  They will call me back with my first prescript…

I am having a rare moment where I am actually capable of focusing on one thing for more than one second.  These moments are facing extinction these days so I better take advantage of it.  Over this past year there have been several moments where I have thought about how naive I was at the beginning…

These photographs by Silas Stubbs are I want to be a dancer gorgeous..

It is strange how weekends no longer feel like weekends and Mondays do not feel so differently than Sundays.  Stress and anxiety is a constant thing requiring so much effort to escape. I feel like I am trying to fast forward my life in order to get to the good stuff.

I am getting my MMR (measles, m…

It is time to get this in vitro party started!  In a day or two we will officially be out of the gate and starting our in vitro protocol.  I am excited.  I am scared.  This is happening.  It could work.  God I hope it does.

At eight am this morning we were sitting in a conference room with five ot…

The clinic called.  We are in for the information session this Saturday!  Time to get the ball officially rolling.

I also spent a great hour today with a great woman... more to come on that later.

Topped off the day with a hip opening yoga class... hips are apparently the place where we hold our em…

A couple of days ago whilst experiencing full fledged panic mode, I had come up with a couple of contingency plans to put into action in case we were benched until January.  One such plan involved either wainscoting or putting up strategically placed molding all over our first floor... well except …

I feel calm. The permanent crease in my forehead is temporarily relaxed.  I feel so heavy, in a good way.  I think I could actually sleep for a really long time right now.  This is me one day later. 

Right now I am on somewhat of a post acupuncture high.  Yes I loathe needles.  Acupuncture is diff…

Today was tough.  Today pushed the boundaries of my emotional capability.  Today might have changed a lot.  There are still no test results.  There is still no commitment to start this coming cycle.  Odds are now that we will not be able to start until January.  I am so frustrated.

This whole proce…

I was awake, and I mean wide awake, at three am this morning.  This type of behaviour has been occurring far too frequently these days.  To make matters worse, not only was I awake, I was also obsessively dwelling on injections, our childless state and how I will inevitably have to wake up in three…

Her name is Lollia... I was introduced by Lonny Magazine..

There is just something about this that pulls me in.  It may just be that if skin cancer did not exist I would be this woman, laying forever in the sun.

I was doing some window shopping via my couch this morning on Anthropologie.  Window shopping by couch is much safer than window shopping by store.  I have a tendency to over analyze purchases in person yet still find a way to over purchase in person.  By window shopping from the comfort of my couc…

I have been a bit absent the past couple of days.  I have been busy baking cake(s), eating turkey and drinking way too much wine!  We have had a packed schedule this weekend beginning with going to the season opener Sens hockey game on Friday night.  Saturday was a day full of baking and cooking a…

Yes I was watching New Moon at six am this morning.  I started it last night.  My plan was to go to body attack but by five pm, I was just too drained.  So I gave in.  I would have finished it last night but had to stop it so that I could watch Vampire Diaries.  Are we seeing a trend here perhaps?

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A few months back when my skin was at its worse, I decided that I had enough with waiting for my body to right itself.  It was time to take a more drastic approach.  I eliminated dairy, sugar and wheat from my diet completely.  At first I was in a state of constant hunger but I adapted.  I learned …

Last night's efforts to create a wall of pictures and prints remains a work in progress.  We are finding it a challenge to come up with a design that works and I am thinking that perhaps we just need another print or two to provide us with the proper inspiration.  Enter more etsy window shoppin…

I seem to be struggling.  This is harder than I thought.  I have been trying to remain in a positive state but I am just so distracted.  Focusing on anything is becoming harder every day.  Lately I am stressing about how unnatural this whole process will be for my body.  A year ago we were in such …

It is a chilly monday here in Ottawa but the sun looks like it will make an appearance.  Today we are waiting.  We are waiting for the call from the clinic to schedule our information session.  The clinic still needs my HIV test results.  This is a formality but an obstacle nonetheless.  If we book…