I feel somewhat caught between what I think I am supposed to feel right now and what I actually am feeling. I always knew this would be a trying time but was not prepared for the striking contrast of emotions. I am being good to myself right now. I feel so lazy though. I do not sit around on the couch all day but I have not entered a gym or yoga studio in way too long. I am just too tired. I am stubborn and find it hard to just give in to being tired and to ignore the pull of the gym.
There are so many things floating around in my head right now. I find myself policing my own thoughts on many occasions. My mind is wandering and it is going there... it is going to the what if this works... and then I literally feel all warm and then my sanity kicks in and yells stop it. This is me saving me from myself. There there are those other moments. The moments I really do not like. These are the moments where I think oh god what if this does not work... then I just do not feel and then my sanity saves me and gives me a swift kick and I tell myself to get my shit together and think positively. Things are just so up and down. I am sure this is normal. I just need to harness the nervous excitement.
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| Bring on the snow already....View of Black Tusk from Whistler, BC |
I am right there with you. In every given moment I have a mix of emotions. It is too much to handle but what choice do we have. Now I have a terrible bladder infection just because I am stressing myself out so much!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the post on my blog. Nope hubby isn't into reading so that would be a long shot. He would rather have his head in the sand and go along like everything is perfect. He figures he comes to the occasional drs appointment and gives me a needle in the morning so what else could I want from him. I didn't even bother to mention my kicking bladder infection because he would think it was all in my head. Sometimes I think I should have married a women....haha.
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